i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
