i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
