hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
