If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
