My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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