so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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