Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
