i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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