my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
