i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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