If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
