Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
