My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
