my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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