I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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