when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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