Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
