FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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