i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Quick, to the slutcave!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
