I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My feet surprised me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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