I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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