yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Acid is not a monday night drug
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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