Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
