You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
