I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
