it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize