Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
