It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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