i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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