I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
