Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Randomize
