Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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