i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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