The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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