I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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