Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Houston, we have a squirter
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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