When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
