i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's get the cat blown out
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
