Yo dont text me then not text me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
