So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
