Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
