I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
