You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
