I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
