9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
