like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
