i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
