you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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