he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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