i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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