I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
