What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
