you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
