From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
