I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
