i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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