All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
