Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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