He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
