dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize