babies were throwing up all over the place
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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