Buhtt sex?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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