The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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