I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You ruined the universe
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
