I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
