mondays should just be called national damage control day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
