Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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