And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
