Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
