We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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