He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
where am i from again
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
